It started with crickets. And gravel. And being small. So I was the shortest child in my grade, all the way up until grade 9. They didn't know I was trans at the time (gee, smaller than the smallest girl in class, who'da thought lol). I was also one of the 'field kids', one of the families that had a house way out in the fields, that one of the distance buses needed to drive to to pick up the students for school. Also, I rubbed gravel into my hair at recess. A lot.
Have you ever tried?!? Those tiny pebbly rocks on playgrounds, man that feels so incredible to pick out of your hair!
So I did that at recess, and didn't hang out with other kids. Also, I collected crickets and put them in my desk in class lol. C'mon, one of the kids was stomping on them on the sidewalk, I had to save them! So I collected some and put them in my desk... which proceeded to make cricket sounds all day.
So I was the weird one. I was really, really short, I played alone in the dirt, and I collected crickets. I was used to being alone, because my siblings and I tended to play alone at home, in our 5 acre field. Just laying in the alfalfa, another sibling climbing trees maybe, another inside the house. Generally we were always on our own. So I was used to being alone. Saw the neighbours (there was like a grouping of 5 houses) maybe twice a year, from 100 yards. Barely spoke to them when we did. I really only observed humans.
Can barely remember a single classmate's voice now, I was spoken to so little. Was never really picked on, I was just... under the radar. One kid did try to pick on me actually, gave me a swirly after drivers' ed class. The school... defended me, strangely. The school was quiet, *quiet* the day after. The principal came up and asked if anything happened last night, I said no, that was the end of that. The day after, it was back to normal, but I never ever saw the bully again. Even looking for him in the halls, I could never even spot him. I have no idea what happened to this day, but... you don't pick on the little one. You *never* pick on the little one. Apparently. So I'm grateful for that. I was never talked to, but I was never picked on. Almost a mascot in choir class, the kinda weird dirt child that sat on the older students' shoulders. But that's as close as I got to anyone.
Summer and winter breaks, we went to our grandma's place four hours north in the middle of a swamp forest. Closest house was half a mile away. Played in the forest, trained by a cat. I literally identified with cats more than people. I love crawling on all fours, don't you? If you get a chance, crawl on all fours in a forest, it's incredible. So I encountered even fewer humans during winter and summer breaks.
Kinda followed through into adulthood. Barely spoke to anyone in university (my small friend group I traded a few paragraphs with though, still friends to this day!), barely speak to anyone at any jobs I've worked at, I'm honestly just not used to talking to people. I'm quite comfortable keeping to myself, don't know how to start a conversation. I can keep up a conversation though, if you start talking to me, I'll keep prattling back!
Somehow smart despite barely being domesticated, 4.0GPA in college (university decades earlier didn't go anywhere, wasn't interested), but student of the year! Dean's list, 4.0, pretty proud. Still barely understand humans though lol.
And that's how it's been most of my life. I get along with people of course, nothing but kindness inside of me. I was never around anything except kindness (or whatever you call under the radar, just neutrally present). Parents were kind and loving, and that's really the only humans I interacted with for 21 years. I've been told people enjoy hanging out with me, I'm very relaxing to be around, very calming. Which stands to reason, given the 21 years of laying in a field.
And yah, that's the majority of my experience with the human species. The number of times I've had an hour long conversation I can count on a single hand (as of 2024), and yah, I barely speak unless spoken to.
Just... barely domesticated, almost feral.
